Ron Bertsch

Previously published February 2014

In Matthew’s Gospel 5:38-48, he tells of the radical new approach Jesus teaches. He says we are to love our enemy, pray for those who persecute us, and no more eye for an eye philosophy. Turn your cheek, offer your cloak as well, go the extra mile when pressed into service, he says. He admonishes us to be perfect like our Heavenly Father is perfect.

Who can do this, you ask? Can we be perfect like the Father? Maybe not, we are sinners and mere humans in this fallen world. But don’t use that as an excuse. We can and we must strive for this perfection.

One of the foster families working with us at DCCH Center really struggled over the years to embody this Christian principle, especially as it played out with the birth parents of the children they accepted into their home. Many of the birth parents were addicted to drugs. They were often not very pleasant to be around. They could be angry, bitter, hurt individuals and often they would take this ugliness out on those who were trying to help them. Foster parents can be seen initially as a threat by the birth parents. People who are doing their job; taking care of their children and it is easy for them to blame the foster parents and the social workers for their loss. They sometimes try to find fault with them as a means to deflect their own guilt and shame.

Overtime, this couple realized that being Christians and being foster parents meant they had to do more than just love on the children. They had to love on the children’s parents too, no matter what condition they find them.

After years of fostering and many different birth parents they got to practice on as they were perfecting their Jesus love stance, they did get better. As rookie foster parents they were not so good at turning the other cheek, forgiving those who hurt them, and loving what appeared to be their enemies. They reacted with distancing fear and sometimes even reactive anger. They were not thinking of helping them, praying for them but often thought that termination of parental rights sooner rather than later was the just decision. They believed that the children should be adopted and never returned home.

In striving to be perfect like our Heavenly Father, and by the time of their most recent placement, this couple became pretty good at fostering. They even surprised themselves with the amount of love and hope they could offer the birth parents. They not only loved the children, they grew to love the single birth mom. Without coercion or expectation from the agency, this family supported the mom. They listened to her, they prayed for her, they prayed with her, eventually inviting her to their church. They went the extra mile, (actually quite a few) and provided her the transportation needed to get back and forth to church. They treated her to meals out and ultimately invited her into their home for Sunday afternoon brunch with her children. She celebrated Christmas morning with them at their home.

They guided her in some tough decisions. They supported her through recovery. They became her friend and advocate in a world where failure and pain seemed to want to pull her down. Her other "friends" would have her start using again, but her Christian foster parent friends, had higher hopes.

This mom regained custody of her two children again. She has a job, her own place to live and she loves her children and they love her. She is also very grateful for the kindness and continued support the foster family provides. Will this last and will the kids be safe around her forever? We don’t have a crystal ball. That is up to the mom and we turn them over to God for protection. But we do know that she was given another chance. She was treated with love and so were her kids. That is success in my book and I think it is a case of mere humans perfecting and exemplifying the True Love of the Father.